In my palace, I stripped back my rags and the leper costume, I gripped my bow and quiver bristling arrows, and poured my flashing shafts before myself. I screamed, "Look - you crucial test is finished, now, at last! But another target's left that no one's hit before - we'll see if I can hit it - Apollo give me glory!"
With my comrades and son at my side, I trained a stabbing arrow on one man, shot him square in the throat. The man's life-blood came spurting out his nostrils - thick red jets. The suitors burst into an uproar, spreading themselves. Terror gripped them all as my slaughter continued.
After having a ridiculous chat with another man, I loosed an arrow ripping his breast beside the nipple so hard it lodged in the man's liver.
To my left, Telemachus stabbed a man from behind, plunging his bronze spear between the suitor's shoulders and straight on through his chest the point came jutting out.
We kept picking suitors form my palace, one by one.
(What a bonding moment for my son and I! Killing men and regaining my palace is just the best past time for a family!)
I kept slashing through the suitors like butter. They were such cowards, running from any sight of me.
There was much yelling between the scrambling suitors and my men, but nothing really worth noting. Some guys wanted mercy but no one deserves mercy when they were trying to get with my wife.
The best part of the day was taking the mischievous Melanthius to a back room. Once I was finished with all the men, I returned to the rat that is Melanthius and tortured him to my hearts content. That really made me feel fulfilled.
I told Telemachus to retrieve the nurse to tend to our wounds and we all rejoiced after 20 years not seeing each other. This really was one of the greatest days of my life. I finally made way to Penelope, my love, my inspiration. All the people I care for in one place, my home, my kingdom, Ithaca.
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