Having "fun" in Ismarus

It is good to finally be done with that useless war. A whole war, just over one woman. They would say, "Her face could launch a thousand ships!!" Who gives a damn how many ships would be launched for her!! She basically killed thousands of men, including some of my dear friends!!

Whatever, nothing can be done for them now. They will always be remembered.

After departed from Ilium, the winds drove my crew and I out to Ismarus, the Cicones' stronghold. There, I sacked the city. I killed the men, but as for the wives and plunder, that rich haul we dragged way form the palace. We shared it round so no one, not on my account, would go deprived of his fair share of spoils.

I urged the crew to set sail but they were reluctant. They claimed that there was just too much to leave behind. What mutinous fools they are!!!

As we remained on Ismarus, the Cicones that were left banned together and called for help from a neighboring island. We were screwed. They had a larger force and stronger soldiers too.

The men came out of the morning mist and the battle was on. Zeus present us with a disaster, we were doomed to face a huge mortal blow. We held them off for as long as possible, but the Cicones broke our lines and beat us down. Out of each ship, six men-at-arms were killed; the rest of us rowed away from certain doom.

Oh Hurricane, Oh Hurricane! How Very Much I HATE YOU!!!!

I would not let our ships sail on until the crews had saluted each poor comrade that was cut down by the fierce Cicones.

After doing so, we sailed onward but Zeus brought about massive storm clouds. The winds were howling a demonic gale. A massive hurricane was brewing...

When night swept down from the sky, our sails raged from the hurricane's overpowering winds. I urged my crew to row to the nearest shoreline, to find shelter from the storm. We pulled with all of our might.

Two days of full power rowing and we were all breathless.



Thankfully, by the third morning the winds let up, and we continued on our course.

Beware of the Lotus-eaters

At long last, I was on course toward Ithaca, my home land...

But, just as I reached Malea's cape, a tide-rip and the North Wind drove me totally off course, driving me past Cythera. By the tenth day of being drifted along by rough, deadly winds on the fish-infested sea, we landed on the land of the Lotus-eaters.

Lotus-eaters are basically people who eat both the mellow fruit and flower of the lotus plant.

Once we docked and had a meal, I sent three men to scout out the land, to find the inhabitants.

When they met the natives, they had no intentions of killing them. The natives were extremely hospitable, giving the three of them lotus to eat.

Immediately after devouring the plant, each comrade lost all desires to send back any message. They were intoxicated by the plant. Some part of it was acting as a drug, separating anyone intoxicated from the real world.

After sending countless numbers of crew mates to find the three lost men, I decided to venture out. I found all of the crew mates and drag them all the way back to the ship. They were extremely reluctant to leave, as if the natives had changed their inner ambitions.



As soon as they were back on the boat, I commanded them to set sail. We were off again...

Beached siesta

After, the craziness that was the land of the Lotus-eaters, we sailed off with our spirits at a low ebb.

We reached an island with unsown, unplowed, earth that teems with all they need, wheat, barley and vines, swelled by the rains of Zeus to yield a big full-bodied wine from clustered grapes. We assumed that there were no inhabitants of the island, and concluded it was safe to remain here.

The level island stretched flat across the harbor, close to a woods full of wild goats. You know we ate well tonight!!

I continued to be astonished by how fertile the land was. The land's clear for plowing. Harvest on harvest, a man could reap a healthy stand of grain - the subsoil's dark and rich. Maybe we should spend extra time on this island...

As night approached, a thick fog swirled around the ships, the moon wrapped in clouds and not a glimmer stealing through that gloom.

Beaching our vessels smoothly, striking sail, the crews swung out on the low shelving sand and there we fell asleep, awaiting Dawn's first light.

Venturing through the giant's island

When young Dawn with her rose-red finger shone once more we all turned out, intrigued to tour the island. The local nymphs, the daughter of Zeus himself flushed mountain-goats so the crews could make their meal.

Swiftly, we gathered all our necessary resources for the journey and we were off. We had so much goat meat, we could feed a whole city!!

When the sun was about to set, we laid down and slept at the water's shelving edge...

When dawn arouse, I commanded, "The rest of you stay here, my friends-in-arms. I'll go across with my own ship and crew and probe the native living over there. What are they - violent, savage, lawless or friendly to stranger, god-fearing men?"

My now smaller crew and I boarded the ship. Soon after setting sail, we spied a cavern just at the shore, gaping above the surf, towering, overgrown with laurel. We decided to stall here to spend the night. Big, big mistake on our part...

After entering the cave, we noticed the cave to be a giant's lair, who always pastured his sheep flocks far afield and never mixed with other. He was a grim longer, dead set in his own lawless ways. I'd say he was a man-mountain, shoulders over the world.

I selected an even fewer number of the finest fighters to join me and left the others to return to the ship. I took a skin of wine as an peace offering for the giant, hoping he would rejoice in it and provide us with some much needed information.

Remarkably, the giant never returned to his cave from the pasture, so we set up camp in his cave and lit a fire. We set our hands on the cheese, offered some to the gods and ate the bulk ourselves and settled down inside, awaiting his return...

Meet the Cyclops

Back he came from the pasture, late in the day, herding his flocks home, and lugging a huge load of good dry logs to fuel his fire at supper. He flung them down in the cave - a jolting crash - we scuttled in panic into the deepest dark recess. The giant went along with his daily routine as we trembled in the dark corner of the cave. He milked his goats, put the rams outside, and hoisted a tremendous, massive slab - no twenty-two wagons, rugged and four-wheeled, could budge that bould off the ground, I tell you, such an immense stone the monster wedged to block his cave!!!!

We were stuck, nothing to do but wait until the monster found us.

As soon as he finished all of his chores, he lit his fire, and spied us in the blaze and thundered, "Strangers! Now who are you?"

All of our hearts shook, terrified by his rumbling voice.

I answered the one eyed monster, "Men of Achaea we are and bound now from Troy! Driven off course by the warring winds. We're suppliants - at your mercy! Zeus of the strangers guards all guest and suppliants: strangers are sacred - Zeus will avenge their rights!"

(I wonder if the huge man even knew what cities I spoke of considering how isolated he seemed to be. I do not even think he knows who Achilles, the greatest of all Greek soldiers is!)

He laughed, he laughed at me. I was so confused and enraged. No one dare laugh at the great Odysseus, king of Ithaca, survivor of Troy.

He asked "But tell me, where did you moor your sturdy ship when you arrived?"

I immediately knew this to be a trap so I responded, "Poseidon god of the earthquake smashed my ship."Not a single reply did I here from that ruthless brutes mouth.

Horrifically, he reached out his hand, snatching two of my men at once, rapping them on the ground he knocked them dead like pups - their brains gushed out all over, soaked the floor - and ripping them limb from limb to fix his meal he bolted them down like a mountain-lion, left no scrap. Once the vicious savage stuffed his gut with my comrades, he slept in his cave stretched out along his flocks. I quickly began planning how to take revenge but we now lay groaning, waiting for Dawn's first light...

Taking Action - the ultimate escape plan

When young Dawn with her rose-red fingers shone once more the monster relit his fire, going on with his morning routine. He snatched two more of my finest men. Both Antinious and Brotus were fixed for his meal. How gruesome!!

Being well-fed, the cyclops drove his flock of sheep from the cave, lifting the huge door slab up and away, then slipped it back into its place.

That is when we took action...

I thought to myself, "How could I pay him back? Would Athena give me glory?"

The best plan I could think of was this:

1) Take the great club of the Cyclops (it lay by the pens, olivewood, full of sap)

2) Chop the club to a fathom's length

3) Smooth out the club and sharpen the end

4) Place the sharp end over the fire to char it good and hard

5) Hide the club under the dung that litters the cavern's floor in thick wet clumps.

6) Stab the cyclops

We have steps 1 through 5 complete, the only question is: How do we stab the cyclops without him noticing us?

I got the very best four men of what was left of our group and planned out our further actions.

 

Look as I stab

Nightfall brought the cyclops back, herding his woolly sheep and he quickly drove the sleek flock into the vaulted cavern, rams and all (going along with his usually nightly routine).

After finishing up his chores, he snatched up two more of my men, Xeno and Gladio.

I went right up to the cyclops after his meal, enticing, "Here, Cyclops, try this wine - to top off the banquet of human flesh you've bolted down!"

I handed him bowl after bowl of wine. (I knew that wine would come in handy.)

Continuing with my plan I stated, "So, you ask me the name I'm known by, Cyclops? Nobody - that's my name. Nobody - so my mother and father call me, all my friends."

He remarked, "Nobody? I'll eat Nobody last of all his friends - I'll eat the others first! That's my gift to you!"

With that, he toppled over, sprawled full-length, flat on his back and lay there, his massive neck slumping to one side, and sleep that conquers all overwhelmed him now as wine came spurting, flooding up from his gullet with chunks of human flesh - he vomited, blind drunk.

Now, at last, I thrust our stake in a bed of ember to get it red-hot and rallied my comrades, "Courage - no panic, no one hang back now!"

Hoisting the club high the stabbing point facing the Cyclops eye, we thrust it forward. We bored it round and round until blood came boiling up.

He loosed a hideous roar, the rock walls echoed round and we scuttled back in terror. The cyclops wretched the spike form his eye and out came a red geyser of blood.



Hearing his cries, his neighboring Cyclops lumbered up and asked, "What in the world is wrong Polyphemus?"

 "Nobody friends. Nobody's killing me now by fraud and not by force." Polyphemus said.

"If you're alone, you'd better pray to your father, Lord Poseidon." shot back his neighbors.

They lumbered off, but laughter filled my heart to think how nobody's name had duped them one and all.

Sometimes I amaze myself as to how smart I am. :)

Escaping Near Death

I was already planning for our escape...

What was the best way out? How could I find escape from death for my crew, myself as well?

I saw the flock again.



I saw the sturdy, handsome beasts sporting dark weight of wool. I lashed them abreast, quietly to not wake the giant, twisting the willow-twigs the Cyclops slept on. I took them three by three; each ram in the middle bore one man while the other two rams acted as a shield. After assuring all of my men were set, I took three rams of my own. We waited, desperately, for Dawn's first light...

Once the giant woke up, he stumbled around, trying to feel his way around. He barely found the flock and the door. Stroking the ram (last I was under) gently, the powerful Polyphemus murmured, "Dear old ram, why last of the flock to quit the cave? You used to never lag behind the rest. Oh if only you thought like me, had words like me to tell me where that scoundrel is cringing from my rage! I'd smash him against the ground, I'd spill his brains across my cave!"

And with that threat, as I almost pissed my pants from fright, he let my ram go free outside.

Taunting The Thick-Headed Cyclops

As soon as we were relinquished from the cave, my comrades and I bolted back to the ship.

When getting there, we saw a welcoming sight of our loyal comrades but all the rest broke down and wailed realizing we had lost some of our best over the past days. I cut their sobs short, we had to leave immediately before out thick-headed friend realized we were gone. We swung aboard, they sat to the oars in rank; and in rhythm churned the water white with stroke on stroke. But once offshore as far as a man's shout can carry. I called back to the Cyclops, stinging taunts, "So, Cyclops, no weak coward it was whose crew you bent to devour there in your vaulted cave - you with your brute force! Your filthy crimes came down on your own head, you shameless cannibal!"

That made the rage of the monster boil over. Ripping off the peak of a towering crag, he launched it toward our ship. The wave it created was as massive as a tsunami wave. He launched rock after rock, and the waves were overwhelming. I urged my crew to plow ahead as fast as possible. We seemed to never be outside of the monsters range. I began to taunt the Cyclops even more, but for some reason my crew barked back at me. They told me not to be headstrong and that we cannot take any more attacks.

(No one can tell me what to do! I am going to do exactly what I want to! I am the captain!)

Just to make my point know I proclaimed, "Cyclops - you ask who blinded you?! It was me, Odysseus, raider of cities. Tell all of my actions, let them fear me!"

As I continued taunting, the Cyclops, he groaned back in response, "Oh no, no - that prophecy years ago... it all comes home to me with a vengeance now!"

Honestly, I could not give two damns about his dumb prophecy. We urged on but I had a weird feeling in my gut, that something I had done today would cost me, big time...

The Queen and I

Why am I so damn loved by women?

Queen Circe is so crazed about me. After getting ship wrecked, yet again, due to the annoyance that is Poseidon, I found myself on the island of Aeaea. I drifted around for a few days but later found the palace. Little did I know how I should have never set foot in there.

I told her of my journey so far and she was empathetic. At first her intention were good, giving me food, a place to rest my head, and gifts. But, even though I felt like a king there, nothing is as sweet as a man's own country, his own parents, even though he's settled down in some luxurious house, off in a foreign land and far from those who bore him.

I told her that she could never win my heart but that only aggravated her. She would not let me out of her sight. I could not even use the bathroom without one of her men near me!!

I knew I had to get out. So, I planned my elaborate escape. In the middle of the night, I fled the castle and stole some old fisherman's boat. I was off, never to see that bewitched woman again.

Free, Free at last!!!!

I have been on this damned island of Calypso for so long. All I want is to return home to my lovely, sweet, beautiful Penelope. Oh how I miss her. It has been way too long since I last laid eyes on her but, I stay strong, fighting for her. Someday I will see you again my dear.

In the nights, true, I'd slept with her in the arching cave - I had no choice - unwilling lover alongside lover all too willing ...

As I balled my eyes out in my normal residing quarter, Calypso found me on the headland, sitting, still, weeping, my eyes never dry, my sweet life flowing away with tears I wept for my foiled journey home, since the nymph no longer pleased.

She called to me, "No need, my unlucky one, to grieve here any longer, no don't waste your life away."

I thought for a moment and realized it must have been a trap, Calypso had some alternative plan like always. So, cleverly I spoke, "I won't set foot on a raft until you show good faith, until you consent to swear to a binding oath!"

She swiftly complied to my order (what a pleasant surprise).

My emotions were everywhere. Should I be happy? Scared? Tiresome? Should I really trust Calypso, for all I know she could break this oath?

I calmed myself down and decided to cling on to my only sense of humanity left. I clenched on my hope. My hope that one day I would return home. My hope that one day I would see Penelope. Calypso was my only possible way to do so.

To set the deal, I lured Calypso back into my cavern, and we lost each other in love. I knew only this action would make Calypso truly adhere to the oath. This was my farewell action. Hopefully she does not go back on her word, I would be devastated.

I've been working on my sailboat, all the live long day

I have a new found source of energy: hope.

As soon as Dawn with her rose-red fingers shone once more, I quickly dressed myself in cloak and shirt while Calypso slipped into a loose gown.

You know, if I was not with Penelope, I would probably stay here for the rest of my days. Calypso would be a real joy to see, if she were not psycho. None the less, Penelope is my love and nothing will keep me from her, not even Poseidon!!

Next, we planned my great voyage home. She gave me a heavy bronze ax, one only strong men like me could carry.

After our planning, the nymph lead me to the island's outer edge where multitudes of trees grew tall, sky-high, like nothing I had ever seen before. So, I got to work.

I cut twenty in all and trimmed them will my ax, split them deftly straight down the middle to make planks.

Meanwhile, Calypso was retrieving a drill and I bore through all my planks to wedge them snugly.

All wax set and by the fourth day, all work was complete. I even got to take it out for a test ride! The sail was pitched, everything was ready to go. I could not believe that my journey was going to continue after all I had gone through. The struggle is real.

I can see clearly now that Calypso's gone

On the fifth day, the merciful goddess launched me from her dreadful island.

Calypso gave me the special treatment before I left. She bathed me, clothed me in fragrant clothing, and stored rations in my boat. These rations composed of two skins one dark wine, another with fresh water, and Calypso's choices of meats to keep my strength up for the long sail back home.

Zeus was on my side, the winds blew strong tonight. I wedged my eyes open, forever scanning the stars. Here is a picture of this wonderful sight:

I never realized how beautiful and mysterious the sky could be. Some many different stars, I wonder if we could ever visit one. What would it be like up there? Is it ever possible to get off of Earth?

Don't you think it is amazing how a collection of stars can look like a bear or a hunter or even Heracles' belt?

17 Long, Slow, Cold Days Of NOTHINGNESS

I honestly think I am loosing my sanity. Seventeen days, SEVENTEEN - that is how many days I have been on this damned sailboat. I have been running out of food lately and rationing off miniature pieces to keep me going. I have not had a decent amount of food in such a long time, hopefully I will get one soon.

On top of all that, the water supply has diminished significantly so I have been resorted to the only source left, the wine. I have noticed that wine on an empty stomach really is not good for me. I feel light headed and nauseous. Not the best of conditions for a one manned sailboat IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MEDITERRANEAN!!!!

Today is the eighteenth day of what feels like eighteen years of sailing. I hope the gods will spare me and let me see land.

But wait, I see something in the distance. What is it?

I think I see land. OH MY GOODNESS, my prayers have been answered. Thank you merciful gods, I will make a sacrifice as soon as possible.

I see shadowy mountains slowly looming, reaching toward over the misty breakers, rising like a shield. I'M SAVED!!!!

Tossed & Turned - in every which way

IM NOT SAVED!!!!

I knew Poseidon would become aware of my presence on the sea at some point but did it really have to be when I was so close to civilized people, so close to an island that could possible save me and bring me home.

Poseidon churned the waves into chaos, whipping all the gales from ever quarter. The world seemed to collapse in on itself and night quickly swept down from the sky.

Now the winds began...

The winds from every direction crashed in on each other right at my very spot. My knees quacked, I had little strength and the winds were overwhelming for my body. I feared my life would end right there. Soon the ultimate journey would be complete, my life.

This would probably be the most non-heroic ending to my life. I would much rather have died with my friends, arm in arm, as spears were thrown at us as we took our last stand.

I announced, "What a wretched death I'm doomed to die!"

I boat was quickly disassembled by the winds and waves. I laid wasted in the waves, clinging onto whatever strength I had left.



To my fortune, Leucothea, daughter of Cadmus', saw me from below.

She gave me a scarf and encouraged, "Here, take this scarf, tie it around your waist - it is immortal. Nothing to fear now, neither pain nor death."

As soon as I left my ship, Poseidon plagued me more than ever, launching colossal waves at me.

For two days, I was thrashed around. While tossing and turning due to the waves, I foresaw my death many times.

When I saw land, I was overjoyed, as warm as the joy that children feel when they see their father's life dawn again, after he almost died. I was anxious to feel the ground again. I mustered up my strength and swam hard to shore.

Once finding a beach, I ran to shelter, finally away from the reach of Poseidon. I laid under thousands of leaves in a cave and fell into a deep, deep sleep...

Telling The Odd Odyssey of Odysseus

Now that I am on the island of the Phaeacians, Scheria, the king had wished to speak with me. He wanted to know of who I am and what my story is.

The king, named Alcinous, has such a great life. Everyone pledging allegiance to him, heaps of food at banquets on the daily, and more wine than hundreds of men could handle. So much bread and meat too!! My mouth was salivating, I was enamored by all of his luxuries.

You know, I was once like him, living high on life. Now I am just a lowly, raged, dirty, scrawny, hungry, man.  

Anyway, I began telling King Alcinous about the bitter pain I have endured over past years. I started with who I was and went on to tell him about how I got to his island.

All of my journeys were explained, including the lustrous goddess Calypso, the bewitched queen Circe, when I sacked Ismarus and barely came out with my life, enduring a hurricane, the Lotus eaters, and the dreadful Cyclops.

I hope he will pity me, and provide some assistance for my journey back to my kingdom, Ithaca. If he does not, this may be the last blog I enter, considering how distraught I will be.

Slaughter in the Hall

Thank you king of the Phaeacians for sending back home.

In my palace, I stripped back my rags and the leper costume, I gripped my bow and quiver bristling arrows, and poured my flashing shafts before myself. I screamed, "Look - you crucial test is finished, now, at last! But another target's left that no one's hit before - we'll see if I can hit it - Apollo give me glory!"

With my comrades and son at my side, I trained a stabbing arrow on one man, shot him square in the throat. The man's life-blood came spurting out his nostrils - thick red jets. The suitors burst into an uproar, spreading themselves. Terror gripped them all as my slaughter continued.

After having a ridiculous chat with another man, I loosed an arrow ripping his breast beside the nipple so hard it lodged in the man's liver.

To my left, Telemachus stabbed a man from behind, plunging his bronze spear between the suitor's shoulders and straight on through his chest the point came jutting out.

We kept picking suitors form my palace, one by one. 

(What a bonding moment for my son and I! Killing men and regaining my palace is just the best past time for a family!)



I kept slashing through the suitors like butter. They were such cowards, running from any sight of me. 

There was much yelling between the scrambling suitors and my men, but nothing really worth noting. Some guys wanted mercy but no one deserves mercy when they were trying to get with my wife.

The best part of the day was taking the mischievous Melanthius to a back room. Once I was finished with all the men,  I returned to the rat that is Melanthius and tortured him to my hearts content. That really made me feel fulfilled.

I told Telemachus to retrieve the nurse to tend to our wounds and we all rejoiced after 20 years not seeing each other. This really was one of the greatest days of my life. I finally made way to Penelope, my love, my inspiration. All the people I care for in one place, my home, my kingdom, Ithaca.